Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
