What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
