i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
