I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I currently don't understand fingers.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
