Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize