Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he puts the penis in happiness.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
