Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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