Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
try to milk me bitch
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