i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
