I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
