i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
