Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
