I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I intend to get homeless drunk
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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