Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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