this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's never too late to be topless.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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