I hope mine doesn't look like that
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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