You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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