i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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