i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
COCAINE IS GR8
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
