she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
