I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
