I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize