Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
