i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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