I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
