the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
please come you make the beer taste better
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize