i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
