i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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