dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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