it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
