no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
