WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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