toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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