you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
