I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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