I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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