one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
