You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
