So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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