you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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