This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
