yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
