Im at strip club and am horny
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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