I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
