I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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