I faked an abortion last night.
I just cut my nipple shaving
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
