She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
tell me about the fingering
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