I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
