i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
