we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
