Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
