I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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