I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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