That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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