Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
