I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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