One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
