After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
