What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
