forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
