I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
