Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
