wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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