I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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