I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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