I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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