I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
