who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize