Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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