Its about making memories worth repressing
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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