I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
