I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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