I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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