I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
