And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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