We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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