bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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