everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
