My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
