I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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