I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Your cock deserves a montage
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
