And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize