We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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